You’d think having an extra day off would be a god send but in all honesty it’s a bit of a ball ache. This weekend, Landan Taan will swell to a beachball sized glut of party tourists keen to get their third dose of fun for the year (the other two times being Easter weekend and new years eve). You can expect the clubs, streets and parks to be packed with an assault of people forcibly trying to have fun this weekend. If you’re not too much of an idiot to spend £50+ on a bunch of half assed trance and yesteryear prog DJs playing to a crowd of baying halfwits non the wiser they’ve been fleeced, then I guess these could be a few so called suggestions for the weekend…

LED Festival – Victoria Park (Tickets)

The alternative to paying over the odds for standing in a Clapham park full of idiots is to pay nearly over the odds to stand in a park full of different idiots who weren’t quick enough to shell out for SW4 tickets before it sold out. If the festival hasn’t imploded through poor ticket sales and artist cancellations it might not be such a loss to attend with the main draw being Leftfield, who have dusted off the kit since the Guinness royalties have run dry. You’ll also be able to see Alison Goldfrapp tottering around on stage like Florence and The Machine’s grandma, and if you’re lucky Aphex Twin might play some nonsense. Unsurprisingly tickets are still going for this one.

Carl Craig at Fabric (Tickets)

In terms of evening line ups I guess you can’t really do any better than fabric. They’ve got their typical techno carry on consisting of one part Detroit (Carl Craig), two parts Berlin (Sebo K & Ben Klock) and a token UK techno head to make your balls go up inside yourself (Ben Sims). It’s a reasonable choice if you haven’t already spent half your waking weekend moments there this month.

Superfreq at Paramount (Tickets)

Across town at Centre Point, Mr C and friends are back at Paramount with their Superfreq brand. They’ve somehow commandeered another floor for their ingeniously named disco sister Superdiscofreq. DJ Three headlines the main room with the “not so evil in his old age” Eddie Richards, whilst DJ Garth and James Priestly will be playing up to the new spat of disco fashionistas. If past Superfreqs are a trend to go by, this one will be the best superfreq ever to date as boldly claimed by Mr C every month.

Dollop at The CAMP (Tickets)

If a night dancing with a bunch of geriatrics in a tower doesn’t sound that great, you can go to the other end of the spectrum and dance with some of the unwashed youth in a basement. Dollop are down from Nottingham for a London jolly at The CAMP. They’ve brought in the Parisian turned Dalstonian Ivan Smagghe to headline. Also on the bill is some bloke from Turbo (Thomas Von Party), that guy who plays at Bugged Out (Matt Walsh) and Nathan G Wilkins who for some reason reminds me of a presidential assassinator. Expect scruffy hair cuts, drain pipe jeans and a lot of garish noisy electronic sounds.

Carnival at Notting Hill

On to Sunday. For the day time you might as well be herded around the streets of Notting Hill whilst running the risk of being caught in the middle of some yoot gang warfare or getting poisoned by some chancer selling what was supposed to be curried goat out the back of his car. If you get there early enough and the police haven’t cordoned off the area you might be lucky to catch some chap (Norman Jay) play cheesey records off the top of a double decker bus. But hey its all free so you can’t complain about this shit.

Secretsundaze at Rich Mix (GList Requests – info@secretsundaze.net)

You might not have heard, because its secret, but Secretsundaze are at the Rich Mix loft. Daniel Bell heads up the main room with Tevo Howard, whilst Jacques Renault makes room 2 all disco glam. If you can get past the fashion police on the front door (in this case the face of authority is a guy with an achingly ironic styled tache) you might enjoy a nice dance inside. Just make sure your shorts are rolled up high enough on your deck shoes and denim shorts combo.

Eastern Electrics at Union Street Car Park (Tickets)

Evening wise Eastern Electrics is doing their predictable shindig at the once secret, but now standard affair Union Street Car Park. Their line up I must admit is pretty balanced. Fehlmann, Wruhme and Mayer fly in for Kompakt, whilst Von Stroke and Martin get fidgety in another arch, and to round things off Resident Advisor have got Joy Orbison, Scuba and Harri & Domenic, all of which they’ve brain washed you to think they’re good through their podcasts. The 10 early bird tickets and 5 saver tickets have sold out, so all you mugs left are gonna have to buy the standard price tickets at 20 quid a pop. Unfortunately your young person railcard doesn’t work on these tickets.

Lo*Kee at Cruffix Lane (Tickets)

Another special one for Sunday is Lo*Kee. For one night only they’ve scrapped their exclusively closed members list and open their doors to tom, dick and harry. This will give the riff raff a chance to really see what goes down at Lo*Kee – basically a bunch of “cool” kids that haven’t been to sleep for a few days rolling around to whatever DJs that haven’t been to sleep either. However on Sunday they’ve got a bunch of Cadenza folk over and they’re going to make a proper night of it, so I guess it’s not quite as Lo*Kee as the name suggests.

I could go on about the weekend… But you might as well read all about it at RA.. They’ll probably be a bit more cheery too with the extensive DJ biogs and promises of amazing parties. I’ll be at home having a good moan about SW4 thanks. Have a good weekend!

The last bank holiday weekend for the year is just around the corner. Sad times for many as it marks the beginning of the descent into winter. This ensuing doom normally results in everyone going big for the weekend, and as a result, people tend to cool off the weekend before. But as any good football team will tell you its all about the pre-season friendly to get you match fit for the onslaught. I mean you don’t want to be flaking out on day two of the bank holiday because you didn’t practice a two day bender the weekend before. That would just be embarrassing. So here are a few pre bank hol weekend friendlies to get you ready for the long weekend.

Lobster at The Gramaphone (Tickets)

Our Lobster friends have laid down the second round at the all you can eat seafood buffet. This Friday they’re at The Gramaphone where Roof Light will be served up along side their residents Anton and George in a night of gorging and indulgence. Its like a premiership team in a friendly against a third division team, at only a fiver to get in it’s a palatable and easy way to start things off.

Fabric On & On (Tickets)

Saturday there’s only really one destination – fabric. This is the tough pre-season friendly with a 15 hour gauntlet being laid down by Villalobos – a man we have a little bit too much love for. Who knows when he’s going to play, but I’d imagine he’d probably play a couple of times over the night. To pad things out in between, Craig Richards, Dinky, Terry Francis and Slam will be sure to keep you locked in the dark doldrums. This is going to be a roadblock so get you tickets now!

Love Fever Studio Party (Tickets)

If you need something a bit less gluttonous, then the Love Fever Studio Party on Kingsland Road would probably be a good alternative. Wolf and Lamb co-honcho Gadi Mizrahi along with Jacques Renault will be making you strut well into the night with some disco stylish fun.

Half Baked (info)

Fabric, the pussyclarts, will be closing their doors at 2pm on Sunday. Pretty early doors if you ask me… However don’t fret, as the people at Half Baked understand. They’re kicking things off on Sunday afternoon straight after fabric are done, so drag yourself to the still to be confirmed east London location to continue the party as the beautiful and stylish people look at you in disgust! Jamie Jones and Disco Bloodbath’s Ben Pistor will be seeing you smash through the proverbial clubbing marathon wall.

Stretch the old legs out with these bad boys and you’ll be running rings around the amateurs come bank holiday weekend.

Horatia Opening Party with Faze Action (Details)

First off, a new venue for the year; from the people that brought you the Horse and Groom comes the Horatia, their new pub club venture on Holloway Road in Islington. They expect to bring you the same fun that you experienced at Shoreditch’s finest pub with a dance floor, so expect disco, house, live music and everything in between. They’ve already got folks like Disco Bloodbath and James Priestly already lined up for some free fun time evening shenanigans. For the opening party on Friday, the fantastic disco duo Faze Action will the in the house to commemorate this new skinny jeans haven in Islington, all for free too.

Fabric with Carl Craig, Ben Klock & Lee Curtis (Buy Tickets)

Now on to the meatier affairs for Saturday night. There are three stellar nights on the bill from the big guns but it’s just too close to call for one that stands out above the rest. In one corner we have Fabric; they’re packing a punch with Detroit legend Carl Craig. He’s never disappointed me so far and I’m sure he’s not going to start now. The support is just as compelling too, rising star Lee Curtiss is on for a live set and London favorites Jamie Jones and Cesar Merveille will fill the rest of the Room 1 schedule whilst Ben Klock, Steffi and Terry Francis will be pushing the harder edge in Room 2. If that’s not enough, all things DFA will be served up in Room 3 with Holy Ghost and Jacques Renault. Absolutely massive lineup if you ask me.

Discoteca at Matter with Jamie Lidell & Francois K (Buy Tickets)

Out east, sister club matter weigh in with a night equally as heavy. The extremely talented musician Jamie Lidell performs a live set alongside a DJ set from New York heavyweights Francois K and Metro Area. There’s also a label showcase from Italians Do It Better and in house duo Disco&Mercy will be keeping things warm. In room 2 the Disco Bloodbath boys take over with Scotland’s finest Optimo for a second room of anything goes. If you’re still unsure what to expect, then the matter blog has a pretty comprehensive post of mixes, vids and words to bring you up to speed.

Mulletover with Wolf and Lamb (Buy Tickets)

Third but not least, Mulletover shake off the New Years hangover with this winter warmer featuring the Wolf and Lamb lads Gadi Mizrahi and Boston duo Soul Clap. The label can just do no wrong at the moment and any Wolf and Lamb DJ sets have been the talk of the town, so expect a fantastic range of diverse music with plenty of soul and feeling. The venue should be just right for this with the intimate low ceilings of the The Black Lotus Karate Club on Scrutton Street. However with a fair few down to attend this, be sure to keep the clothing layers to a minimal as it can get a bit schweaty in there.

Dig Deeper with Danny Howells (Buy Tickets)

That’s not all however. Danny Howells wants to completely ruin you by throwing another Dig Deeper this Sunday at the Notting Hill Arts Club. The last one went down so well that’s he’s back again to punish you into Monday morning with another one of his spectacular 7 hour sets.

So there it is… Let’s hope London has started as it expects to go on!

Eastern Electrics (Buy Tickets)

Top of the picks again is Eastern Electrics. Last year’s party was quite phenomenal – great line up, good crowd and interesting location. This year is more of the same. Headlining the main room is the amazing Steve Bug, he’ll be bringing in the new year with his 11pm set. Shonky is in there for some moral support whilst the BLOC folk take over the second room with a seriously dubbed out line-up – Kode 9, Appleblim and Plastician. Finally Man Make Music host the third room with a couple of bumping headliners in the form of Justin Martin and Riva Starr, a pretty stellar line-up for new years. Location wise they’ve taken over some railway arches, this time in London Bridge, next door to the new Shard building on St Thomas Street three minutes walk from the station. Tickets are selling out extremely fast so get them now at a relatively reasonable £32.50.

Secretsundaze (Buy Tickets)

Secretsundaze will be pitching up at new venue The Camp. They’ve got quite a humble line-up in the form of Delano Smith and Wbeeza, and of course Giles and James in support. It’s a great little basement which will no doubt have an intimate fun atmosphere all for another reasonable £25.

Cocoon (Buy Tickets)

But if you’re splashing out for NYE then Cocoon at matter is the place to be. Sven Vath returns to his new London home with the whole Cocoon shebang. The minimalistic Cassy provides some heads down support, whilst Andre Galluzzi bolsters the Cocoon contingent. If that’s not enough best of British Yousef and Matt Tolfrey are present with their German friend Dorian  Paic. Tickets still available and a slightly pricier but I think value for money £40, especially if you’re in love with pappa Sven.

T bar with Magda and Heartthrob (Buy Tickets)

If you want some heavily electronic sounds then T Bar might be a good option. They’ve pulled one out the bag by shipping in Magda and Heartthrob. They’ll be rocking the basement all night. Not a bad shout at £25.

DFA vs Horse Meat Disco (Buy Tickets)

If you need something a bit lighter then I definitely recommend DFA vs Horse Meat Disco for some full on disco action. The brilliant Holy Ghost is headlining along with DFAs Jaquess Renault. Plus they’ve got some fantastic support from the Warm and Horse Meat Disco DJs. Camped out disco madness for NYE all for a steady £35.

Disco Bloodbath

On another disco tip Disco Bloodbath are throwing a shindig with their resident DJs – Dan Beaumont, Domon Martin and Ben Pistor. They’re back at their classic Dalston haunt Visions Video Bar. I’d definitely expect some terrific music ranging from disco right through to proto techno classics. And all for an extremely cheap £15. No tickets as of yet but apparently they’ll be out soon.

Fabric (Buy Tickets)

Of course you can’t forget the heavyweight fabric for NYE. They once again have a solid line-up with Ivan Smagghe headlining room 1, back since his amazing 10^th birthday set. There is also some superb support coming from Jamie Jones, Jesse Rose and Hot Chip’s Joe Goddard, not to mention the always high quality residents Craig Richards, Andrew Weatherhall and Terry Francis. Tickets still available at another £40.

After all that you might find NYE a bit overrated. If that’s the case then get involved with the NYD parties. New Years lands just before the weekend so you can get massively on it for two days and still have the whole weekend to recover. Best Christmas/New Years placement ever!

Bugged Out All Dayer

Now a staple of the Old Queens Head New Year celebration, the Bugged Out boys return once more for a day of off the wall music. Expect impromptu sets and some completely guilty pleasure fun. Already pinned to do sets are Ben Pistor from Disco Bloodbath, Brodinski doing a hip hop set and Tayo doing a classic house set. I believe its free to get in… just get there early.

MurMur Presents No Fit State (Buy Tickets)

The first recommendation is the MurMur presents No Fit State party at a secret location. What’s not a secret is the amazing headline DJ Seth Troxler who will no doubt open the year in fine style. He’ll be joined by NYC’s Bill Patrick and MurMur label boss Geddes.

Wet Yourself (Buy Tickets)

We’re back at fabric again for New Years Day where the Wet Yourself folk take over for the day after party. Taking over three rooms, they have some delightful DJs. There wil be some dark electronic stylings from Stephan Bodzin, Marc Romboy and Martinez, as well as Rui Da Silva keeping it rolling.

Tabula Rasa

For something a little edgy for NYD the Tabula Rasa folk have promised loads of special guests. This could be anybody, but judging from their previous track  record it is sure to contain some quality. However I am a bit dubious about their claims of a heated terrace party in the middle of winter. If anything it will be interesting how an outdoor party will fold out.

Fuse (Buy Tickets)

Fuse continue to fly the after party flag for NYD. They’ve picked up a classic London line-up in the form of Nick Curly, Geddes, Hector, Kevin Griffiths and Enzo. Not too shabby a line-up for 93 East.

Ministry of Sound with Sasha (Buy Tickets)

Finally, the big gunned night is Sasha’s NYD bash at Ministry of Sound. Sasha is Sasha so it should be pretty quality. The Cosmonauts will be injecting a bit of cosmic fun whilst Jim Rivers and Anil Shawla serve up some alternatives. Tickets still available at an OK £20.

So I hope all this helps…. I myself am still undecided… But I’m sure I’ll be found in a gutter come 2^nd Jan.