You’d think having an extra day off would be a god send but in all honesty it’s a bit of a ball ache. This weekend, Landan Taan will swell to a beachball sized glut of party tourists keen to get their third dose of fun for the year (the other two times being Easter weekend and new years eve). You can expect the clubs, streets and parks to be packed with an assault of people forcibly trying to have fun this weekend. If you’re not too much of an idiot to spend £50+ on a bunch of half assed trance and yesteryear prog DJs playing to a crowd of baying halfwits non the wiser they’ve been fleeced, then I guess these could be a few so called suggestions for the weekend…

LED Festival – Victoria Park (Tickets)

The alternative to paying over the odds for standing in a Clapham park full of idiots is to pay nearly over the odds to stand in a park full of different idiots who weren’t quick enough to shell out for SW4 tickets before it sold out. If the festival hasn’t imploded through poor ticket sales and artist cancellations it might not be such a loss to attend with the main draw being Leftfield, who have dusted off the kit since the Guinness royalties have run dry. You’ll also be able to see Alison Goldfrapp tottering around on stage like Florence and The Machine’s grandma, and if you’re lucky Aphex Twin might play some nonsense. Unsurprisingly tickets are still going for this one.

Carl Craig at Fabric (Tickets)

In terms of evening line ups I guess you can’t really do any better than fabric. They’ve got their typical techno carry on consisting of one part Detroit (Carl Craig), two parts Berlin (Sebo K & Ben Klock) and a token UK techno head to make your balls go up inside yourself (Ben Sims). It’s a reasonable choice if you haven’t already spent half your waking weekend moments there this month.

Superfreq at Paramount (Tickets)

Across town at Centre Point, Mr C and friends are back at Paramount with their Superfreq brand. They’ve somehow commandeered another floor for their ingeniously named disco sister Superdiscofreq. DJ Three headlines the main room with the “not so evil in his old age” Eddie Richards, whilst DJ Garth and James Priestly will be playing up to the new spat of disco fashionistas. If past Superfreqs are a trend to go by, this one will be the best superfreq ever to date as boldly claimed by Mr C every month.

Dollop at The CAMP (Tickets)

If a night dancing with a bunch of geriatrics in a tower doesn’t sound that great, you can go to the other end of the spectrum and dance with some of the unwashed youth in a basement. Dollop are down from Nottingham for a London jolly at The CAMP. They’ve brought in the Parisian turned Dalstonian Ivan Smagghe to headline. Also on the bill is some bloke from Turbo (Thomas Von Party), that guy who plays at Bugged Out (Matt Walsh) and Nathan G Wilkins who for some reason reminds me of a presidential assassinator. Expect scruffy hair cuts, drain pipe jeans and a lot of garish noisy electronic sounds.

Carnival at Notting Hill

On to Sunday. For the day time you might as well be herded around the streets of Notting Hill whilst running the risk of being caught in the middle of some yoot gang warfare or getting poisoned by some chancer selling what was supposed to be curried goat out the back of his car. If you get there early enough and the police haven’t cordoned off the area you might be lucky to catch some chap (Norman Jay) play cheesey records off the top of a double decker bus. But hey its all free so you can’t complain about this shit.

Secretsundaze at Rich Mix (GList Requests – info@secretsundaze.net)

You might not have heard, because its secret, but Secretsundaze are at the Rich Mix loft. Daniel Bell heads up the main room with Tevo Howard, whilst Jacques Renault makes room 2 all disco glam. If you can get past the fashion police on the front door (in this case the face of authority is a guy with an achingly ironic styled tache) you might enjoy a nice dance inside. Just make sure your shorts are rolled up high enough on your deck shoes and denim shorts combo.

Eastern Electrics at Union Street Car Park (Tickets)

Evening wise Eastern Electrics is doing their predictable shindig at the once secret, but now standard affair Union Street Car Park. Their line up I must admit is pretty balanced. Fehlmann, Wruhme and Mayer fly in for Kompakt, whilst Von Stroke and Martin get fidgety in another arch, and to round things off Resident Advisor have got Joy Orbison, Scuba and Harri & Domenic, all of which they’ve brain washed you to think they’re good through their podcasts. The 10 early bird tickets and 5 saver tickets have sold out, so all you mugs left are gonna have to buy the standard price tickets at 20 quid a pop. Unfortunately your young person railcard doesn’t work on these tickets.

Lo*Kee at Cruffix Lane (Tickets)

Another special one for Sunday is Lo*Kee. For one night only they’ve scrapped their exclusively closed members list and open their doors to tom, dick and harry. This will give the riff raff a chance to really see what goes down at Lo*Kee – basically a bunch of “cool” kids that haven’t been to sleep for a few days rolling around to whatever DJs that haven’t been to sleep either. However on Sunday they’ve got a bunch of Cadenza folk over and they’re going to make a proper night of it, so I guess it’s not quite as Lo*Kee as the name suggests.

I could go on about the weekend… But you might as well read all about it at RA.. They’ll probably be a bit more cheery too with the extensive DJ biogs and promises of amazing parties. I’ll be at home having a good moan about SW4 thanks. Have a good weekend!

So what does the weekend have installed for all these younguns? Well the question should probably more what doesn’t the weekend have installed.

Contakt with Richie Hawtin

For one more time this year London will be graced with the last Contakt show for the year. It’s been almost a year since they last step foot in London and almost a year and a half since they started doing the show. If you haven’t heard by now the Contakt concept brings the Minus clan together, allowing them to perform as one unit set to the backdrop of some impressive visuals. Basically it’s an elaborate back to back session with all the Minus producers in front of a massive LED display showing some incredible trippy visuals. The show was pretty spectacular at Sonar 08 with the huge crowd and massive LED display which covered the whole stage. You can check some video footage at the Sonar Video link here.

On Saturday they’ll be taking over Brixton Academy which should provide them the space they need which SE-One struggled to do the first time they came to London. It should be interesting to see how the venue deals with a more club orientated show which is in turn trying to be a more live show event. All I hope is that they don’t have that sloping floor! Anyways, a chance to see Hawtin and the Minus lot in the capital accompanied by stunning visuals in a venue setup for this kind of thing – you’d be rude not to check it out.

Get tickets from Ticketweb

Ministry 18th Birthday with Sasha

If you’re after something a little more mature then you should head down to Ministry where they will be celebrating their coming of age. They’ve brought in their childhood friends Sasha and Nick Warren to help celebrate the club’s passage into adulthood. I do wonder what happens to a nightclub when it becomes an adult. Do they start thinking they own the place with their Charlie big potatoes whilst the older Jazz clubs scoff at how immature and naïve the club actually is? Either way, one thing is for sure. No 18th Birthday celebration has ever been a subdued affair. Expect Sasha and Warren to blow the roof off like they have been since the beginning of time. I’d imagine a little reminisce of those early years will be in order too. Maybe Ministry’s mum will dig out the photo album of the club in nappies?

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Warehouse Project presents Aphex Twin at Matter

If all that seems a bit tame and you’d prefer your ears and eyes to be dragged backwards through a thorn bush intertwined with barbed wire as it rains lemon juice then matter might be up your street. The Warehouse Project, those car park dwelling folk from t’up north, have brought along the eccentric creative force that is Aphex Twin. His DJ sets are a bit of a rarity but when he does play they normally go down in legend. I would try and explain what to expect but I’m not even sure myself what he would play. His sound encompasses everything in the electronic music spectrum. Ambient, techno, drum n bass, you name it, and he’s probably dabbled with it. Some of it can’t even be classified, its just complete head fuck music that’s completely out there. What I do know is that he’ll be incorporating visuals, which if his music videos are anything to go by, you’ll definitely be weeping into next month. There is even talk of Aphex Twin utilising matter’s 5.1 surround sound. Sounds like anything could happen and that’s what Aphex Twin thrives on.

Get tickets from Ticketweb

Secretsundaze with Dixon

If you’re still standing after Saturday’s shenanigans, then how about unwinding at Secretsundaze? Their run of summer parties is unfortunately coming to a close but they’re going out with a bang so that you’re left wanting more. Sunday’s penultimate party is to be located, quite practically, in the rough warehouse surroundings of Village Underground. I mean let’s not kid ourselves, outdoor parties and the end of September aren’t the first things that come together in a sentence. Making sure that Secretsundaze leaves that everlasting impression will be Dixon. Not much needs to be said really. This guy plays brilliant house music and is probably one of the best DJs around at the moment. This definitely shouldn’t be missed.

Get your tickets from Resident Advisor

Wet Yourself at Fabric with Marcel Dettmann

Finally to round off the weekend, Wet Yourself wants to take you kicking and screaming into Monday morning. No rest for the wicked eh? One man who never rests and has been playing an extended Berghain after after after party set since 2002 is Marcel Dettmann. You might wonder how he does other stuff if he has been playing a continual set at Berghain for the last seven years. Well rumour has it that he has a monster looped techno record which he puts on whilst he steps out for a few hours. The Berghain punters love it. This Sunday that very record will be on again so that Marcel can catch a flight to London for Wet Yourself. This is definitely recommended if you don’t mind your Mondays being a complete right off.

Get your tickets from Ticketweb!

So there it is… So many options and only 48 hours. Pick wisely.

BLOC Weekend looks set to return after last year’s sell out success. Taking place on the 13^th – 15^th March weekend, this year sees the early spring weekend move location to the Butlins “mega-resort” in Minehead near Bristol. It boasts the largest water park in the South West with a water slide that can spit you out at up to 40mph. Definitely what you need after a night of jaw breaking techno and Aphex Twin’s microphone in a blender trick! But it’s not really about the luxury settings of the holiday resort its more what’s on. And judging by this year’s current line-up it could be held down the local sewage works without deterring anyone.

So who’s on the bill? Well they’ve brought in Aphex Twin as the main headliner for this year. He returns to performing with the premier of his new show, with new collaborator Hecker exclusively for BLOC. With no regard for the norm and various urban myths of him playing sandpaper or overloaded blenders this show is bound to throw a curveball for all those into the weird and wonderful. Also making a welcomed return to the scene is The Future Sound of London. Another coop for the BLOC organisers is the return of The Future Sound of London for their first show in ten years.

Probably the next highlight for EarPipe is the announcement of DJ Q-Bert joining the line-up. Probably the best turntablist to ever walk the planet, QBert had to retire from competition just to give everyone else a chance. However he still performs and is still pushing the boundaries of turntablism. In the same hip hop vein Afrika Bambaataa, one of the original originators of hip hop culture is also on the bill.

That’s only the tip of the ice berg. There is a plethora of underground genres being catered for. In the techno corner you have the likes of Carl Craig, Green Velvet, Robert Hood and Frequency 7 featuring Ben Sims and Surgeon. All things dub are covered by the likes of Skream, Benga, Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry, Digital Mystiks and Kode 9. The list of artists just keeps going on and on. So rather than bore you to death you can find the current full line up at the end of this post.

So its look to be a corker of a weekend once again for BLOC. If you’re up for a weekend of forward thinking music in a dry location and a 40mph water slide within the UK, then look no further. Get your tickets and accommodation from www.blocweekend.com.

FULL LINEUP TO DATE / MANY MORE ACTS STILL TBA:

Aphex Twin + Hecker

The Future Sound of London

Jamie Lidell / Carl Craig / Afrika Bambaataa

Green Velvet / DJ Qbert / Skream / Benga / Metro Area / Altern-8 / 4Hero

Busy P/ Egyptian Lover / Daniel Bell / Heartbreak / I-F

Dublime feat. Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry / Scientist / Digital Mystikz – Coki / Tipper /

Kode 9 / Rusko – Debut Live show / Ed Rush and Optical / Mad Professor / Zion

Train / Plastician / Pole

Overkill feat. Modeselektor and Pfadfinderei / Beardyman / Clark / Richard

Devine / Tim Exile / Otto Von Shirach

Subloaded curated by DJ Pinch, feat. DJ Pinch / 2562 / Jamie Vex’d /

Appleblim / Peverelist / Joker b2b Blazey / MC SGT Pokes

Split and Tilted Disco feat. Robert Hood / Frequency 7 feat Ben Sims and

Surgeon / Redshape / James Ruskin / Colin Dale / Steve Strawberry / Alex

Downey

Numbers feat. Martyn / Rustie / Hudson Mohawke / Jackmaster

Dynamix II / Dj Godfather and MC Omega / Dylan & Robyn Chaos b2b / Ulrich

Schnauss / Ed Chamberlain / Global Goon / Rob Hall / Transparent Sound /

Ceephax Acid Crew / Cosmic Force BassClef / Ital Tek / Lief Ryan / Alexander

Robotnick / Bizzy B / 2 Bad Mice

Greco-Roman feat. Rob Da Bank / Drums of Death / Totally Enormous Extinct

Dinosaurs / Greco-Roman Soundsystem: Raf Daddy, The Great Mentsh & Full

Nelson

Cocadisco feat. Russell Haswell / DJ Benetti / Louis Enchante and friends /

Andy Blake / Rodaidh and Piers

Caravan Recordings feat. October / Emptyset

Wifey feat. D’explicit – LIVE PA / China feat. Black the Ripper / DJ Undecided /

Wifey DJs

Cliché feat. French Kriss / Michel Dupont / French Connection Trio + Special

Guests

Pathic / ADJ / Junq / P45 / Ebola / Lusinda / AGT Rave Cru / Amental / McMash

Clan

Residents from: WANG – Electro Elvis and Lula / Braindrop / Dub Pressure /

Drums of the South / Square Roots / Sequence / Plex / Dissident

BLOC Residents: Billy Nasty / Radioactive Man / Ed DMX / Jerome Hill / Luke’s

Anger / James Tec / Rebel Intelligence / Joe Hart / Oliver Way / George ‘The

Skull’ Hull